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Throw Back Thursday Journal

Is it real, Am I really twenty-six years old today? I was in high school when I first started consistently writing in a private journal. Sometimes, I wrote two times a day. I stayed awake past 1AM, listening to my computer keyboard tapping along with my thoughts, while everyone in the house was soundly sleeping. I had desires to begin a blog, but my teenage self esteem kept me from pursuing it.

I was at a writers block for my birthday post, and then, I thought of it. I have my grandma to thank, for stepping up the ladder, into her unbearably hot attic, to retrieve my bright green spiral notebook that reads, Life, Hope, and The Long Journey Ahead. These words were taken from one of my favorite novels, A Walk to Remember, by Nicholas Sparks. I paged through entry after entry and finally decided on the perfect post for today. Maybe you’ll find yourself smiling as much as I did.

October 26, 2008

What doesn’t kill you, will only make you stronger

I’ve tried sitting down to write numerous times. For some reason, its difficult for me to get my thoughts out onto paper, or in this case, the computer screen. I have puzzle pieces of thoughts all jumbled up in my brain, but I can’t quite write my feelings. This is my first entry, so, I’ll try my best. My goal is to write everyday. Maybe my writing skills will improve over time. 

After much pondering, I’ve decided to start writing my miraculous life journey. My ultimate goal is to write an autobiography. I’m hoping to have several passages from my journal writings to include in my future book. I want my story to be heard. I want to inspire others to believe in the power of prayer. I’m well aware I have inspired all the people in my life, from friends, and family, to teachers and doctors. I continue to hear their encouraging words, such as, you’re an inspiration, you’re the strongest person I know, you’re truly amazing, and I’m so proud of you. The only words I can respond with are, thank you, or that means a lot to me. Everyone has touched my life in some small way, just as I have to them. It truly does mean the world to me, that I have people who care about me deeply.

It’s my dream to inspire all the people I could ever imagine. I recently watched the movie The Pursuit of Happyness, starring Will Smith, and read the book, The Freedom Writers Diary, by Erin Gruwell. One thing these true stories have in common is, these individuals all had faith and strength. They were determined not to give up. They are definite examples of tremendous courage. I like to think my story is similar. I’m positive, I’m strong, and I’ll never give up with my unfailing faith. 

October 26, 2008

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

I have come to realize, miracles are rare. They can happen more than once in a lifetime, if you’re extremely blessed and when you least expect it, but always at the right time. Why? The answer is unknown. That’s why its called a miracle, when there is simply no other explanation. I’ve learned not everyone believes in such things. Maybe because nothing extraordinary has happened to them, or they haven’t witnessed anything like it. 

A few years ago, when I was deathly sick, I found myself lounging in our oversized, ugly green, but comfortable, living room chair. My bored thoughts were shifting to how hard everything had become the past few years. I was growing frustrated each passing day, because of everything I had to do to keep myself alive. I was wearing oxygen 24/7, I had to sleep sitting up at night, daily breathing treatments, IV medications, tube feedings, and doctors appointments. Being a 13 year old was exhausting. I thought to myself, I need a quote to help me get through the hardest time of my life. Wouldn’t it be amazing if I stood by a quote and it came true? I researched lyrics and quotes from my favorite songs and movies. I wanted to choose one that encouraged me to never give up! Then, it hit me like a lightening bolt, BELIEVE. It had a nice ring to it. Sounded pretty darn good to me. I confirmed with myself that thats what I wanted to live by and inspire others to do as well. Little did I know, my dream was about to come true, just a few years later. My whole point of this is, attitude is everything. It was gonna be a hell of a lot harder to keep my strength moving with a negative attitude. If you believe, you have faith. Faith will give you strength. Strength to believe. It’s a circle of life. I will continue to try my hardest towards writing my life story. I believe that one day, I will fulfill my dream of inspiring more people than I could possibly imagine. I’m completely convinced miracles exist. I know this, because it happened to me. 

Everything is possible for one who believes Mark 9:23

I’m living a blessed life, I have never stopped believing, and I still have a long journey ahead.

Much love and blessings.

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